My Relationship With Food

I’m going to tell you a little story today.  Just over 41 years ago I was blessed with life.  At the young age of 4 my parents divorced and my mother was my soul provider.  She worked hard and while she did the best she could, I spent a lot of time home alone.  Food became a good friend to me.

I began eating from boredom when I was only about 8 years old and that continued on through my life. By the age of 12 I was so overweight that I was the “fat” kid wanting to hang with all the cool kids.  I got mixed up in the wrong crowd because of my desire to fit in and thus began the mindset of desperation.  My first “crash” diet was in 7th grade.  I ate one Snickers bar and drank one soda all day long and then a very small meal at night. I lost weight FAST; but I was so unhealthy that when I decided I could eat again after getting my first boyfriend at the age of 14, I quickly ballooned up again.

 

When that relationship was coming to an end (at 16-17 years old), I began limiting my food again and within a year was the smallest I have ever been.  I was 5’4″ and weighed right around 100 pounds.  My mother began to worry about me.  Not only was I on the “no fat” fad where I limited my fat intake to 9 grams per day, I was also drinking to excess regularly.  I had my one and only child at the age of 19 and then the roller coaster really began.

Fast forward to many fads, crashes and gains later and here were are.  I learned about healthy eating and lifestyle through a 12 step program almost 11 years ago and while it was still very restricting, it gave me a good foundation of knowledge.  I attended Bauman College for a short stint and have continued to try to grow and learn about health and nutrition.  But nothing stuck until recently and my extreme thoughts and ways continued.

Recently, I’ve watched numerous friends on social media change their lives while still enjoying life and that attracted me.  So I contacted my coach and said, I’M READY!  I’m still learning and still working to find the balance but Beach Body and 21 Day Fix have become my everyday norm and for the first time in my 41 years, I’m committed and seeing a change.  My portions are easy to manage and I still get to enjoy chocolate.  AND, I only work out 30 minutes a day (more if I choose).

My relationship with food today is 180º different because I have confidence in myself, I’m loving toward myself.  I don’t feel shame and self loathing because I have a little extra weight on me.  I feel free from the pain of “not fitting in” (the social crowd or the clothes I wore 10 years ago) and I’m in action which makes all the difference in the world.  I don’t sit on the couch wishing the weight loss genie would magically appear and make me thin.  I don’t starve myself or binge today.  And if I choose to eat more than I NEED or an extra bite of chocolate, I don’t beat myself up.  Today can always be started over in my head and tomorrow is always a new day.

As Autumn Calabrese says (not verbatim), “Don’t think about what you just finished and don’t think about what’s coming, just think about what you’re doing right now.”  We only have the now.

2 comments

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s